Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
