she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
