I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
