it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
