so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
