Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
