hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
