Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
