i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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