Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
