i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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