i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
