There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
