I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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