he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
