your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
