Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
