I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
