I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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