life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
