If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Come back. Shots need mouths.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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