Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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