literally had 100 drinks last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
