What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
