She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
