Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
