I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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