Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
