If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
