Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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