Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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