I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
