party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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