So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
