I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
