i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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