Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
