made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
this is an emotional support booty call
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
