He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
