VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
