just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
