I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
