They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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