a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
