I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
