Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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