he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
