just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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