I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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