his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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